that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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