i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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