So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
