I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
