I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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