Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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