There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
