so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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