Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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