I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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