By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize