I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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