they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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