Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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