maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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