I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
