i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
