Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
