just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize