Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
