Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
there is glitter all over my balls
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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