Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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