david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
