these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
