i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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