before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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