Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
