so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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