drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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