Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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