Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
