You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
