He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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