remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My bed smells like the plague
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
