If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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