So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
