I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
