I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
