FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
