also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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