i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
