I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
