Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
