ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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