he was CRYING into my vagina
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
