I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
