...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
