The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My life is pants optional.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize