i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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