it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Mom said you looked used
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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