her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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