i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
