I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
