I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
