Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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