i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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