I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
