why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
