You made me cry and you don't even care
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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