I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
