Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
