is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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