So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
