At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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