Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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