dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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