I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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