Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
