Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
