just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
