I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
