She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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