i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
