only if we run a train.
done.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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