My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
