Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
