He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
