dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
