but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
