He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
