what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My cat gives me a boner
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
