i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
